Seriously?*

Did you hear that the traditional nativity scene that is usually displayed at the Capitol will not be displayed this Christmas season? The Supreme Court has actually ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene this year and in the future!

Apparently, they can't find three wise men and a virgin anywhere within the D.C. area.

There was, however, no shortage of asses to fill the stable!

(Bah-dum-bum-ching!)

Thank you! Thank you very much!

*Sorry for the cheap blog entry... But you have to admit it is slightly humorous. My mom sent me this joke via e-mail and when I first started reading it, I was like, "Why is she sending me this bullsh!t political crap?" As I read further, I kind of smiled to myself and decided to share it with all of you...

Happy Friday!

I am opposed to forwarding every joke e-mail that I get to everyone in my address book. However, a friend sent this one to me and I thought it was funny enough to share. Plus, I don't have anything to blog about.

QUICK LESSON IN MARKETING

• You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.
• You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends go up to him and, pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.
• You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic inbed." That's Telemarketing.
• You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say,"By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.
• You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says,I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.
• You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep.
• Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support.
• You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Junk Mail.
• You are at a party; this well-built man walks up to you and grabs your ass. That's the Governor of California.
• You like it, but twenty years later your attorney decides you were offended. That's America.

No Child Left Behind

THE FOOTBALL VERSION*

1. All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If, after two years, they have not won the championship their footballs and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the championship.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents.

ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!

3. Talented players will be asked to workout on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in football, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't likefootball.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th game. It will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child gets left behind. If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can screen out the non-athletes and prevent their children from having to go to school with bad football players.


*I can not take credit for creating this... It was forwarded to me from a friend and the author is unknown.

Just Sayin'....

Corporate Sponsors for Condoms

Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock.

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.

Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

Flinstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.

Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?

New York Lotto Condoms: 'Cause hey -- you never know.

California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?

EverReady Condoms: Keeps going and going ...

Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.

Campbells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.

Timex: Takes a licking and keep on ticking.

McDonald's: I'm lovin' it.

Volkswagon: Drivers wanted.

Porsche: There is no substitute

Quaker Oats: Do the right thing.

Life Cereal: He Like's It! He Like's It!

Johnson & Johnson: No more tears...

Wheaties Condoms: Condom of Champions

Giant Woodpecker

Top Twenty Oxymorons

20. Government Organization
19. Alone Together
18. Personal Computer
17. Silent Scream
16. Living Dead
15. Same Difference
14. Taped Live
13. Plastic Glasses
12. Tight Slacks
11. Peace Force
10. Pretty Ugly
9. Head Butt
8. Working Vacation
7. Tax Return
6. Virtual Reality
5. Dodge Ram
4. Work Party
3. Jumbo Shrimp
2. Healthy Tan
1. Microsoft Works

The Untold Story of the World's First Dieters

I can't take credit for it, but it is pretty funny....

By Barbara Quinn
KNIGHT RIDDER NEWSPAPERS

The real story of creation...

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with colorful fruits and vegetables of all kinds so that Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.Then Satan created doughnuts and ice cream. And Man and Woman ate of them. And Satan smiled.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented thick creamy dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side.

God then said, "Behold, I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep-fried fish and chicken-fried steak.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake and named it "Angel Food." And Satan created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes for his children. And Satan gave them cable TV with a remote control.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and fat. And Satan created the 99-cent double bacon cheeseburger and asked, "You want to super-size those fries?"

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery........



And Satan created HMOs.