Marco!.....

Dilemma...

Everyday when I go to work, I park in the same spot. There are three spots that are closest to the door and I take the one furthest on the right. This is ideal because I have the least distance to the door and it is shaded by a nearby tree so my car doesn't hit 85,621 degrees in the summer heat. Also, if I am closing and the last person to leave late at night, there is less distance that I would need to run if a potential rapist tried to attack me.

Here's the problem: Because of the tree, every day when I leave work, my car looks like a flock of seagulls has been circling my car, trying to recover from drinking some bad Mexican water. (Montezuma's revenge = No fun!) The bird poop is splattered on the roof, hood, windshield, doors, trunk... basically anywhere that is exposed to sunlight.

So, what do I do? I mean, that is my parking spot. You know what I mean? And it is the only spot in the shade and there is nothing I hate more than working all day in the hot, humid weather and then having to go climb into a car that is even more hot and humid.

Hell with those freakin' birds. (Whateva, whateva...) I'll park where I want!

Rosie-isms

I think everyone has one of those friends that when they open their mouth, you just never know exactly what to expect. My boss, Rosie, is one of those people. She says these random phrases and nobody is ever quite sure where they came from, but I will tell you this... They are freakin' hilarious. So, for your entertainment:

A LIST OF FAVORITE ROSIE-ISMS
(Translations in italics.)

1. Well, that'll go over like a turd in a punch bowl. (That isn't a very good idea.)

2. What a waste of skin. (Describing somebody who is lazy.)

3. That'll knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. (Can you believe it?)

4. What? You got a date with an egg and if you break it, you're gonna have to beat it? (What's your big hurry?)

5. What a toadload. (Describing somebody who is clueless.)

6. Dee-da-boo! (A general exclamation that is versatile enough to be used in most conversations.)

7. She's just a yummy-mummy. (Describing the women who come to the pool all decked out in makeup and jewelery with their small children in tow.)

These are just a few of my favorites. You can never tell what the hell is going to come out of her mouth. Last night, at our manager's meeting, Rosie actually asked us to explain a gesture she'd seen the lifeguards doing. It was "The Shocker!" We told her and Rosie thought it was one of the funniest things that she'd ever heard. Rosie never fails to entertain, that's for sure!

Peace, love, and oreos,

Violet

Where the Hell is the Rain?

Yesterday was one of the loooooongest days in my life.

I got up at 7 a.m. to go in to work at the pool. My throat was pretty sore (swollen glands, the whole deal) but I felt hopeful because the sky was cloud covered and gray when I left for work. The forecast said 80% chance of thunderstorms... which would mean that we would get to close the pool early.

I got to work and got out the vacuum and about twenty minutes into cleaning the pool, the clouds disappear and the sun begins fiercely shining. I shook my head and continued vacuuming.

As the day went on, my throat got worse, developing into congestion, followed by a headache, which was so bad, it was making me feel sick to my stomach. FYI - Running around in the heat and humidity is NO FUN when you feel like ass.

But, about every two hours or so, the clouds would roll in and the wind would pick up and tease me and the lifeguards into thinking that we would soon be clearing the pool for thunder. No such luck. I sat at the concession stand tables with my walkie-talkie and whistle on thunder patrol, only to watch the clouds disappate with no actual storm.

Fourteen hours later, I had no voice, but consoled myself that my twelve hour day today won't be so bad, because it is supposed to rain all day. I'm up now and the woke up to the freakin' sun shining in my eyes.

I guess I don't mind so much if it is sunny today, but if Mother Nature keeps teasing me like she did yesterday, I'm going to have to ask Dave to have words with her... Seriously.

Peace, love, and thunderstorms!

So there I was....

As I sat in my office at the "aquatic center" I manage, I heard the long, shrill whistle blast from the deep end of the activity pool signaling a save was underway. I sprinted out the door. One of the lifeguards was standing on her lifeguard stand pointing towards the area where the rescuer had jumped into the water.

I ran down to the side of the pool and helped the guest and the lifeguard get out of the water. The lifeguard adjusted his rescue tube and put on his visor while getting back on stand. I took the about twelve-year-old (non)swimmer around the shoulders and led him towards my office.

"Who are you here with today?" I asked.

"My uncle," he told me. "He's over there."

We tracked down his uncle and went to my office to fill out an accident report. I discovered the boy's name was Shon (yes, that is spelled correctly) and the reason his uncle hadn't been in the water with him was because he had just finished eating and didn't want to get stomach cramps.

What I then was an audience to was probably one of the most humorous tirades I've ever heard.

Shon's uncle did a great job of making Shon feel guilty for going swimming in an area that was too deep for him to touch. He told Shon how lucky it was that the lifeguard was there to help him out of the water...

"You need to thank this nice lady here, Shon," the uncle said, gesturing towards me. "And you need to thank that lifeguard that got you out of the water. Because, you know what, Shon? If that lifeguard wasn't there, Shon, then Shon'd be goin' to heaven!"

With tears in his eyes, Shon thanked me and humbly made his way towards the location of the lifeguard who had helped him out of the pool. I felt so bad for the poor kid who'd jumped into the pool and not realized how deep the water was.

Moral of the Story: Lifeguards are simply instruments of the Lord

(Getting a good tan is just one of the perks.)

Peace, love, and oreos,
Violet