Just for Fun...

I don't know about you, but my week has been crazy busy.

But, if you are having more free time than I am this week, here are a couple of things to entertain you for a few seconds:

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There was a little girl,

Who had a little curl,

Right in the middle of her forehead.

And when she was good,

She was very, very good.

And when she was bad,

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car!

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*Thanks, Diana, for the sending the first cartoon to me!

They're All Going to Laugh at Me

So, I'm feeling extremely motivated today.

I actually woke up this morning half an hour early and did the treadmill for half an hour before getting in the shower. Yeah... Not even kidding. I watched a TiVo-ed episode of Scrubs and burnt about 300 calories. Way to start the day, yeah?

Because of the workout, I'm in a great mood at work today. Being extremely productive (excluding this time that I'm blogging, but this is technically my lunch time) and getting lots done.

I spent the morning doing work outside of my office and decided to stop at Subway to get a healthy lunch. I opted for the turkey wrap (to save the calories from the actual bread).

Because I was in such a great mood, I was joking around with the workers at Subway. There wasn't anyone else in the store, they were giving me trouble for not being able to decide what I wanted, I was giving it right back to them... They asked me why I didn't want cheese on my wrap and I explained how stoked I was that I actually got up and exercised before heading to work. They laughed (okay, they humored me) and sent me on my way.

As I exited the restaurant, I noticed a quarter on the ground. My day was getting even better. First of all, I never notice money on the ground. Second of all, if it is a penny, nickle, or even a dime, I don't waste my time bending over. But, for a quarter, today, why not?

And... the quarter was superglued to the sidewalk.

I straightened myself up and held my head high as I walked to my car. I didn't look back at the quarter or the restaurant. I could just imagine those Subway workers laughing their @$$es off at the dumb chick who fell for the ol' coin superglued to the ground trick.

Serves me right for being in a good mood...

If Violet Lived In South Park...

This is what I would look like:

You can create your own here. Thanks to Mishka for the link.

If you make your own, and want to post it on your blog, you will have to take a screen shot, then put the picture in paint to save it to your computer... Kind of a pain, but I thought it was worth it...

Then again, I went to happy hour(s) right after work and am now working on a Dave's specialty Pink Vodka, a.k.a. cranberry and vodka... Dave is drinking a Scotch and grilling us up some dinner... A pretty damn near perfect Friday night, if you ask me!

The eternal question is: Will this be as funny tomorrow morning as it is now? Ah, who the hell cares, right?

Thoughts for a Thursday Morning

Thank god that the stupid Patriots are not going to be in the Super Bowl again. I think they should make a limit on Super Bowl wins for teams... You know, like the President can't be elected for more than two terms, so football teams shouldn't be able to win more than two Super Bowls within a ten year period. Just like the Dallas Cowboys in the early 90's, the Patriots have worn out their welcome at the big game... at least for the time being.

On that note, I am pleased with both of the teams that made it to the game. I have to say that I am kind of pulling for the Colts to win. I like the Bears, too, but I would really love to see Peyton Manning get the win.

But, the best part about it is that no matter who wins, it won't be the freakin' Patriots.

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This past Sunday was my mom's birthday. I invited the family (including both of my divorced parents) over to the house for dinner. The menu included: Salad, Beef Roast, Steamed Asparagus, Rice Casserole (Grandma's secret recipe, which I memorized on Christmas), and, of course, Birthday Cake.

This was actually the first time that I'd been in charge of cooking a full meal for my family. I've cooked lots for friends, but between college, living at my mom's house, residing out of the area, and living in a tiny apartment that wouldn't have enough room to host everyone anyway, I've never played host for my own family. I've helped cook and even made lasagna for the family at my mom's house before, but it has never been just my show.

Everything went perfectly. But, the coolest thing for me was that my dad seemed really impressed with the meal. Like, I think he was surprised that the menu didn't consist of Easy Mac or burgers on the grill. I've struggled my whole life to get my dad to see me as an individual who, although the choices I've made haven't necessarily been the ones he wanted me to make, is successful and competent.

Amazing that being able to know when to pull a roast out of the oven helped him to realize that just a little bit more.

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Dave and I watched SNL on Saturday night and made a realization. Everybody talks about how Saturday Night Live just isn't the same and isn't as funny as it used to be. But, we have a theory the SNL is just as funny as it has always been.

It is just that people aren't smoking as much pot.

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So, Dave and I bought our PowerBall tickets last night. I haven't checked yet to see if our numbers match or not... I'd rather let the dream that we could be multi-millionaires last just a little bit longer.

240 million dollars! Can you imagine? Well, we'd probably take the cash option, which would cut it in about half, then we'd have to pay 1/3 of it in taxes, but, still, 80 million dollars! What the hell would we do with all that money? Well, first, we would split it with Dr. Mike, Paula, and Mikey, since we that was the deal we made on Tuesday night. But then, we still each have approximately $16 millioni each....

People always say that they would keep working... Haha... Yeah, right. I would probably finish out the remainder of my current contract at my job, but there's not a freakin' chance in hell that I'd go back to work after that! I'd get a house on the beach and one in the mountains and travel and write and work out... What a life. At some point in the future, if all of that stuff got boring, I might go ahead and open a little coffee shop or something. I'd hire people to run it, but it would give me something to do... but, I'd get to make my own schedule, of course.

Talking with some friends the other night about the possibility of winning the lottery, the topic came up revenge. I mean, think of the people you could screw with if you had 80 million bucks lying around! I don't know that there is anyone in my life that I resent enough to need revenge, but the thought that I could if I wanted to is nice. Maybe just a little prank here or there for some of the people who get under my skin... What do you think? Would there be anyone you'd want to pay back for things they'd done? What would you do to them?

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Word of the Day: Contumacious - (Adj.) Persistantly, willfully, or overtly defiant of authority.

Throw that one on your kids when they won't listen: "Would you stop being so damn contumacious!!!" They'll be so confused over what you're talking about, they'll forget why they were being stubborn.

Caption Contest

To help get us all in the spirit for the Super Bowl, how about a little caption contesting fun?


Winner to receive one leftover can Pabst Blue Ribbon from last football season.

How Many Mustards Does One Man Need?

Now that Dave and I are co-habitating, I am in the process of reorganizing everything in the house to suit my needs. (That's what women do, right Dr. Mike?) As I began putting food away in the fridge yesterday after our trip to the grocery store, I realized that due to the disheveled arrangement of the fridge, there was no room for the new food. I decided to clear some things out, condense others, and just generally move stuff around.

I began by throwing away all of the leftover food that had been sitting in there for weeks. I admit that I am bad about this. I have a tendency not to eat all of my meal at a restaurant and, wanting to be economical, bring it home in a take-out box. There were also leftover items from homecooked meals... I will not disclose the length any of these items have been in the fridge, but just know that they were no longer edible.

After doing this, I was basically left with condiments of sundry origins. I cleared all of them out of the fridge and began grouping like items. We married a few of the open bottles of ketchups and hot sauce to make extra room (and let it be known that these are the only things that will be getting married within this household!) and tossed out a few that, although not expired, had such a small amount left that they weren't worth the room they were taking up in the fridge.

What were we left with?

- 2 Bottles of Ketchup (One Regular Heinsz 57, One Organic Heinsz)

- 3 Containers of Miracle Whip/Mayo

- 5 Jars of Jelly (My homemade strawberry preserves, several flavors of Smuckers)

- 6 Types of Peppercinis, Jalapenos, etc.

- 9 Different Kinds of Mustard!

Yep, that's right, folks... We've got your regular yellow mustard, Gulden's spicy mustard, horseradish mustard, honey mustard, Grey Poupon Dijon mustard, and Chipolte mustard. I've never even heard of chipolte mustard!

Oh, yeah... and that isn't including the two brand new bottles of mustard that we have in the pantry.

However, I was informed by Dave last night that mustard is one of the few foods that never goes bad. So I guess we won't be needing to buy mustard for probably the next ten years or so.

The fridge looks great with its new makeover. Just having all of the like items grouped together and everything put in nicely and neatly makes a lot of room. I know that I slept easier last night.

And to the Garage Crew: Dave and I will be providing mustard for every cookout that is held this summer. And probably the next summer after that, too.

**And by the way... What does it say about Dave that he is blogging about me blogging? Whose really got the addiction here? Seriously...

Karma's a Bitch...

First of all, thank you, everyone, who made the comment on my last blog entry that I could be or was most likely pregnant. I can guarantee you that I am not. The cramps that I am currently enduring are only adding to the general nausea from the sickness. But, thanks for your concern. (*jerks*)

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So, Tuesday night, Paula and I were talking about how lucky we were during our adolescent years not to have had bad acne. My sister and brother have both had to take prescription meds to help clear their skin; I would get the occasional red bump that would quickly disappear on its own.

Adolescent acne always seemed to be such a curse to those afflicted by it. I remember this one kid I went to high school with named Brandon who had horrible acne. We're talking stereotypical pepperoni-pizza-faced skin. There was a rumor that went around school that he and his girlfriend (who was called "The Troll" due to her short stature and frizzy, wild hair) were making out she somehow bit his lip or something. There was apparently a mountainous pimple right above his lip and it POPPED... into her mouth!

I don't know if this is true or not, but I always figured that if I heard it in the halls of my high school, it must be true.

So, anyway, Wednesday morning, after Paula and I were gloating about our beautiful, flawless skin, in addition to waking up with a bad case of the swirlies, I looked in the mirror to find probably the biggest, reddest, most swollen and painful pimple I have ever had in my life residing on the right side of my chin.

Like I said... karma's a bitch.*

And that goes for all you bastards who are trying to convince me that my stomach virus is pregnancy. You all better watch out!

*Dave insists that this is not karma so much as just a failure to knock on wood. And as he pointed out, I did not knock on his wood that night.

Feeling Swirly...

I woke up yesterday morning feeling a little swirly. I told myself it was just from something I ate the night before or anxiety or I just needed to get a bite for breakfast.

By lunch, I couldn't even look at my salad and clementine without thinking about how gross they sounded. I ate a few bites and threw the rest away.

Half an hour after lunch, I was feeling dizzy when I stood up and my stomach was in knots. I asked my boss if she could cover for me for the rest of the day. I went home.

When I got home, I curled up in front of the fireplace, wearing my pajama pants, a t-shirt, a long sleeved t-shirt, and a sweatshirt. I tucked a down comforter around me for insulation. I had goosebumps and my temperature was 101 degrees.

It was a looooong night, to say the least.
Today, I'm feeling a little bit better. Still have a bit of a headache and feel slighty swirly but my fever has dropped to just above average and I haven't puked since about 2 a.m.

I think I'm going to survive...

What "American Idol" Means to Me...

For those of you who have been living in a cave, tonight is the premier of the new American Idol season!

I know, I know... It just isn't quite right for an adult to be so darn excited about a stupid reality television show. But, American Idol has been a part of my life for so long that I can't help but look forward to it.

The first season of Idol, I was in the throes of my karaoke addiction. I was opposed to the entire concept of reality TV and did not watch a single episode of Idol the entire season. However, I will say that my karaoke background gave me the groundwork for an appreciation of the Idol sensation.

Ryan Seacrest is the host that I love to hate. When he started with the whole "Seacrest, out!" thing, it sealed his fate as forever being an official tool.

And then there is dear, drunken Paula Abdul. Have you seen this clip? I'm sorry, but that isn't just "exhaustion." The poor dear is obviously not lucid. I'm not sure if she is intoxicated or messed up on pain pills, but something isn't right.

The best part of American Idol, though, is the social event that it has become. Starting in Bill's garage, every Tuesday night, a group of us get together to watch Randy, Paula, and Simon endure some of the country's worst (and occasionally best) karaoke performances, hoping against all hopes that they will somehow find the next diamond in the rough. Last year, we even had a pool, and each threw in $5 to bet on who we thought would win. (I didn't even have freakin' Taylor Hicks in top ten!) One of these Idol parties was the birthplace of the infamous "Shrek."

But, probably the best part, is that one year ago (technically tomorrow, since it was the 17th of January) I met Dave and the American Idol premier party at Bill's Garage. And although it won't quite be the same this year without the tool bench and power tools, it is an event that changed my life dramatically and I will always remember.

Some couples have a song... Some couples have a place... Dave and I... Well, we have a reality series. Love you soooo much, Dave!

French Toast Day*

It started pouring down rain yesterday afternoon and the temperature hovered right below freezing, coating everything with a fragile and shimmering layer of ice.

Ice storms always intrigue me. They are so beautiful and, unlike a tornado or hurricane, their danger often underestimated. After stopping at the store to pick up some extra batteries and a DVD copy of "Happy Gilmore" (Dave's request), we made provisions for the night. We found the flashlight, got out the candles and lighters, and brought out the extra down comforter. We lost power from about 12:30 a.m. to 2:30 a.m., but have had fully functional electricity since.

Early this morning, Dave and I decided to go out and take some pictures of the storm. After some bargaining, deal-making, and threatening, we worked out who could post which pictures on their blog.

Some type of bush with red berries:

The only thing that can really keep a BBQ-Master like Dave away from the grill is having it iced shut:
And a balancing act, like when you drop something and miraculously it lands without spilling, breaking, or being generally ruined:

* A "French Toast Day," for those who are unfamiliar with the term, is a day when a winter storm comes through town, so everybody rushes to the store for French Toast ingredients: milk, bread, and eggs.

Dreaming Up New Drinks....

I think the craziness of work this week has been manifesting itself in the dreams I've been having at night. (Diana, I may need your help interpreting them!) So far, every night this week, I've awoken to the memory of some strange dream...

The one that stands out most in my mind, I've been wanting to blog about all week... I haven't even had time to sit down at the computer, let alone read blogs or post anything. So, here goes:

Dave and I decide to have some people over for a small get-together. Some are the people we normally hang out with, some are people that I haven't seen in quite some time. We decide that for a change, we won't have people over to our house. Apparently, Dave has a second home that he uses to 'get away' from things, so we decide to head there.

This relaxing second home of Dave's is not what I had quite expected. It was a trailer, and I'm not talking about the nice, clean, kept-up kind. Imagine the trashiest, broken down, falling apart trailer you can and then realize that this trailer was about 5x worse than that. In addition to being in such disrepair, the trailer was located at the top of three steep plateau-type things... We had to climb up these rickety wooden stairs that were only about five inches deep in order to reach the trailer.

Once we got there, though, the party got underway. The infamous "Sex with an Alligator" was the drink of choice for the night. A lot of people have never heard of it, but it is a fabulous concoction of Jaegermiester, Midori, and some other stuff. We used to drink it all the time when I lived up in KC.

Then, there was a slight problem. We ran out of the ingredients needed for the mixed drink. So, somebody (I'm not sure who) decided that we would improvise. Instead of Sex with an Alligator, we decided to make "Suicidal Alligators."

This one was made with Midori.... and Bailey's... and coffee....

I'll let you figure out why my subconscious decided to call this type of alligator 'suicidal.'

Just thinking about it made me throw up in my mouth a little bit....

Check This Out

Just a public service announcement (and invitation) that those of us reading over at Check This Out have selected Icy Sparks by Gwyn Hyman Rubio as our current book.

It is kind of like a book club, so pick up the book and join in on the discussion. If you are interested, let me know, and I will add you as an author to the blog so you can post thoughts as you read and we can discuss along the way. Blogarita is way ahead of me reading - (haha, I still have to get the book this afternoon) - so there's plenty of time for you to join in.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.

Some Food For Thought

Mmmm.... Homemade lasagna. I made this recently for a small get-together here at the house. I think lasagna gets a bad rap; it isn't hard to make at all. You just have to allot yourself a little extra time to layer the foods... It was gooo-oood, if I do say so myself!

We made a recent trip to the casino and stopped for a few drinks and a snack at the sports bar. They have these GIANT PRETZELS, and when I say giant, I'm not kidding. This pretzel served our table of five. I am addicted to Pretzel Time and Auntie Anne's pretzels at the mall, and this one was great. It wasn't as greasy as some of those malls pretzels, which was good. It is so huge, it comes to the table dangling from a metal rack. I'd never seen something like that before.

Okay, so this isn't really food, but some people play with their food, and these are all of the cat toys that were discovered in my apartment during my recent move. Most were found under the couch, some behind the washer and dryer, and a few tucked into corners of the closet. I think I ended up leaving a few that I couldn't reach behind the refrigerator. Freakin' cats.


And, last but not least, documentation that Dave paid out on a dare while we were waiting to be seated at the local Long Horn Restaurant. In case you've never been there, the servers drag this saddle out to tables for birthdays and make the victims... err, guests of honor... mount the saddle while the entire restaurant sings to them. I love those types of restaurants (twitch, twitch). Anyway, Dr. Mike dared Dave to climb up on the saddle and act like he was lasso-ing something - - and here's the evidence.

You know, I bet Dave really regrets the day he got me the Treo.... Camera phone paparazzi extraordinaire!

Self-Checkout Mile

One of the greatest inventions since the ATM is the "Self-Checkout Aisle" that many grocery stores have begun installing for better and faster customer service.

I love the idea. I've got a couple of things to buy, all the rest of the aisles are backed up, and I don't want to have to try to make small talk with some sullen checker chick who'd rather be banging her tatooed up boyfriend in the back of his beat-up Cavalier.

Here's the problem: Too many people now have the idea that they have the right to use the self-checkout aisle.

I hate to break it to the masses, but these aisles are meant for speed. They are not a privilege for every wannabe Wal-Mart employee to try out their cashiering skills.

Here a list of disqualifications I've developed to curtail the abuse of the self-checkout system.

If you:

- Have too many items to qualify for the "Express Checkout Lane"

- Have any coupons to use for your purchase (If you want to save 30 cents on the Dawn dish soap you are buying, you need to wait the extra minute to have an actual cashier ring you out. Sorry.)

- Would like to pay for you purchase with exact change (Actually, if you are paying with cash you are limited to putting one bill into the little sucker thingy. And don't even attempt to use an old, decrepit bill. You must have a fresh bill that will be accepted easily.)

- Have a credit card that is going to be declined for the amount of your puchase (I actually saw a person go through 2 credit cards before the third one was accepted! Hello, do you really need to be buying the "Jackass 2" DVD if you have maxed out credit cards?)

- Don't know how to use the Internet or get e-mail (This is a highly technological process here, folks! If you can't work a PC, don't mess around with this piece of equipment!)

- Have more than one child in the cart (How are you going to keep little Suzy and Johnny's grubby hands from grabbing all the candy while you are trying to scan your tampons and cat litter?)

...then you may NOT use the Self Checkout Aisle.


Basically, I just need one of these aisles reserved for me at all times. Screw you guys! I'm in a hurry, here!

One more down...

I don't know about you, but I am beginning my new year with a little rest and relaxation. The past week has been pretty much total chaos, between moving and other holiday festivities, but today, other than spending a couple of hours unpacking, I'm taking it easy!

As I'm sure everyone else does, the end of the year is kind of a benchmark for me to look back and see how much progress I've made (or lost) for the last 365 days. Here's a Reader's Digest version of my 2006:

RELOCATION: I managed to stay in one apartment for the entire year of 2006! That is definitely evidence of progress, considering that I moved FIVE TIMES in 2005. This is also the first lease that I have ever had (officially in my name) that I have completed the entire term. [+1 point for 2006]

PROFESSION: 2006 was definitely exciting in terms of my career. Some circumstances outside of my control (that may or may not have been instigated by circumstances within my control) caused me to leave on place of employment to find work elsewhere. Although I enjoy working at the new place a lot more than the old, the events that led me there were rather crappy, to say the least. I'd have to say that this category is a wash. [+0 pts.]

VEHICLES: Not only was I accident-free in 2006, I managed to repair the damages leftover from the previous year! Also, my insurance dropped significantly... like, we're talking close to $100 a month. Hey, they don't call me "Crash" for nothin'. Here's to the good driving record continuing in '07. [+1 pt.]

FINANCES: I started the year by having to get a second job to help pay bills. Things got better over the summer while I worked at the pool, but things have tightened up again this fall. Basically, I've spent the year treading water - haven't made any real progress in paying off my bills, but haven't gotten into any more debt, either. [+0 pts.]

FITNESS: I'm a bit obsessed about my weight, although you may not know this. I keep a pocket-sized calendar in the bathroom and write down my weight every morning. My weight goes up and down more than G.W.'s approval ratings over the past 6 years. From my weight last January 1, I managed to gain about 7 pounds, then lose 15 pounds and now have gained back about 8. For those of you keeping track, that basically means that I made no progress in reaching my goal weight for '06. I feel like this year is the year, though. [+0 pts.]

RELATIONSHIPS: Kind of like my weight, I have to admit that my majoy romantic relationship this year was a bit of a roller coaster at times. But, compared to years past, this one has been the best ever. In January of '06, I met the greatest guy that I've ever known in my whole life. I'm so thrilled that we've made it through this first year together and can't wait for the rest of them! [+100 points for 2006!]

It was definitely a great and memorable year. Although I didn't make progress in every way, I have to say that at least I didn't regress! And that, in itself, my friends, is progress.

Happy New Year to everyone! And here's hoping that your 2007 is better than any year past!