Santa's Already Visited, So Screw This Being Good Stuff!

Dave and I rewrote the words to a few Christmas/Winter songs... My favorite is "Prosty the Snow Whore." We were pretty impressed with our originality, but, alas, at least one other person knows of Prosty and has posted about her on the Net. Oh, well.


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Q: Why do seagulls fly by the sea?


A: Because if they flew by the bay, they'd be bagels! (Bay-Gulls! Get it?)

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Driving down to Warsaw, MO over the weekend, Dave and I saw lots of these round hay bales.


I read somewhere recently that they are actually illegal in most states.


Apparently, the horses don't get a square meal!


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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To get the Chinese newspaper.


Do you get it? Me, neither! I get the St. Louis Post Dispatch!

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Okay, sorry for all that. But, maybe it made you chuckle just a little bit. Don't let the post-holiday blues get you down!

Merry Christmas!

I'll be out-of-town and with family all weekend, so I probably won't blog again 'til next Tuesday. So, I leave you with this, which was printed on a holiday card I got from a friend at work:

The Christmas Truce

World War I combatants, during the 1914 holiday season, entrenched along the 500 mile front stretching from the Belgium coast to the Swiss border, overcame their conditioning to hate, loathe and kill one another, dropped their weapons, entered no-man's land between their respective lines and, in spite of commanding officers' threats to charge those who would fraternize with the enemy with treason and send them to the firing squad, extended the hand of peace and goodwill.

Mortal enemies became friends for a time. They played soccer, decorated Christmas trees, exchanged gifts, sang carols in their respective languages and, before being forced back behind the front lines by their officers, promised that when the shooting started again that they would fire high, harmlessly into the air. This spontaneous effort of the lower ranks to create peace may have blossomed if it were not for the interference of their politicians and generals.

The Christmas Truce remains a moving manifestation of the adsurdities of war.


"I like to think that people in the long run are going to do more to promote peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that the people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it." ~Dwight D. Eisenhower

Merry Christmas! Peace and goodwill to all!

Book Review

I finished my review of The Bright Forever by Lee Martin. Go check it out here.

Also, the next book I will be reading is Snow by Orhan Pamuk. Should be a good one. You are invited to pick it up and read along with me. I'd love to hear your opinions about the book!

It's the Thought that Counts...

Every year I tell myself that I am going to send out Christmas cards, have my shopping finished and presents wrapped more than 3 days before Christmas, and make some sort of gift for my colleagues.

This year I have accomplished all three with almost a week to spare!

Sunday, I made candied walnuts to give to my friends at work. It was surprisingly easy and didn't take all that long. (Although the trip to the store to buy more vanilla was kind of a pain in the arse...)

Simple ingredients: Walnuts (obviously), sugar, cinnamon, ginger and vanilla extract. I made two double batches, so I would have enough for all 15 co-workers.

Throw everything except the nuts and vanilla in a pot and bring it to a boil. When it is at the soft ball stage, throw in the nuts and get them all good and coated.

Then, let them cool and dry on some wax paper. Voila!

The time consuming part was the presentation of the nuts. (Yeah, yeah, I know, I said "presentation of the nuts"... Grow up already!) I decided to handmake tags and cutting out all those goofy Christmas trees and then threading the ribbon through the tag and the jingle bell was a bit tedious...

But, damn they look good!

The Final Holiday Blitz!

I don't know about everyone else, but I've been busier than a one-legged man in a butt kickin' contest recently! Something about the holidays... Seems like everyone else has been pretty busy, too.

I think it is possible that I've been to the mall more times within the past two weeks than I have since last Christmas season! I'm stopping on the way home from work tonight and then I'm done... I don't care what anyone says, I'm not shopping anymore!

Some Holiday Cheer...

Liz and Dave saying "hello" to Santa at R.T. Weiler's...

And, for a great laugh, click here. I promise that you won't be disappointed!

Bumblebee in December?

Mother Nature is getting a little screwy around here. Two weeks ago, the city practically shutdown for two days because of the ice/snow storm that we got.

Today, a bee flew in my window at work and buzzed around my desk for a while because the temperature is in the 60's... and we're only ten days out from Christmas!

*Sorry for the poor picture quality. But, I was able to shoo the bee back out the window before he posed for a better picture. Hate to think of the little sucker freezing to death in a week or so.

Screwdrivers, Secrets, and Snowmen

* DEFINITION OF A TOOL: A person who chooses to drive his mid-size SUV onto a big pile of snow, just to get a close parking spot. If the only "sport-utilitying" you do in your Sport Utility Vehicle is this type of activity, you are a tool. You're going to Sunday morning brunch at Mimi's Cafe, for god's sake!

* CONFESSION #1: I cried at the end of the movie "ELF." It just made me happy to see the people believe in Santa and know that the children of the world would once again see toys under the tree.

* CONFESSION #2: My mother was a hippie. I found out a long time ago that she smoked pot during the 70's. Who didn't? But I never understood her reasoning for thinking that pot was safer back then than it is now. That was until she recently confessed to me that she and her friend grew their own pot in the backyard. "Don't worry," she told me. "I threw away all of my paraphenelia soon after you were born." Thanks for the reassurance, Mom.

* Q&A: A child asked me yesterday if I could guess what his father's name is. I told him I didn't know what it was. "Me, either!" he exclaimed. "Because I never met him!" Mmmm-kay...

* JOKE: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? You wake up wet...

Check This Out...

For those of you who don't spend 100% of your life on the Internet, I've created a new blog.

It is (for now) called: Check This Out.

I am going to review books, movies, music, etc., there. It is more a site for me to record my own reactions to books and stuff than anything else, but I want to invite you to join me, if you'd like. The first book that I'm reading is posted there... Feel free to pick it up at the library or whatever and read along with me.

Green Thumb, 911!

We came home from the store with something that looked like this:

What we have now is something pretty much exactly like this:

Lessons learned:

1. Poinsettias need water.

2. They don't like to be next to a fireplace while it is burning.

Who knew?

*bLiNg*

~CAUTION: *bLiNg* may not be suitable for adults over the age of 55~

Dear Dad:

I know that since you and Mom split up five years ago, you've been working to get yourself in prime condition to play the field. You've lost a lot of weight and started gelling your hair in a style that can only really be described as 'porcupine.' It has taken some getting used to, but I feel like I must respect your need to cling to your youth.

I think this weekend you reached the point where you need an intervention.

Friday night, you wore what can only be described as "bling" to a family holiday gathering. The large gold cross that dangled from a thick gold chain around your neck to mid-chest level was too much. One cousin asked if you were 'born again.'

Upon later investigation it was discovered that you would be leaving early to attend a social function following the family get-together. I rationalized that perhaps you had chosen to wear the "bling" to fit into the crowd that would be at this function... until I learned that you were going to a Swing Dancing Club Holiday Social.

Have swing dancers begun wearing "bling?" I was unaware of the trend, if this is so.

I guess I'm just trying to do my daughterly duty by letting you know this:

*bLiNg* just doesn't quite work with an argyle sweater vest.

Love your daughter,
Violet

No Child Left Behind

THE FOOTBALL VERSION*

1. All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If, after two years, they have not won the championship their footballs and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the championship.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents.

ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!

3. Talented players will be asked to workout on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in football, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't likefootball.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th game. It will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child gets left behind. If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can screen out the non-athletes and prevent their children from having to go to school with bad football players.


*I can not take credit for creating this... It was forwarded to me from a friend and the author is unknown.

Never Eat Yellow Snow....

Click here to make your own snowflake.

On Autopilot

What a thrill it was when as a child we would be driving in the car and pass someone in another car that I knew!!! This happened often when we'd be leaving the subdivision and would approach the car of a neighborhood friend. Waving frantically, I'd grin out the window, hoping my friend would see me. What were the chances that we would both be riding in cars at the same time and the paths of those two cars would intersect?

Then there was the phase when my mother would be driving and see somebody that she knew went to school with me. She would honk at them as I would shrink down in the passenger seat and hope that whoever it was didn't recognize me and the fact that my mother was so incredibly mortifying.

Once I got my license, seeing a friend in another car in the road became an invitation for a challenge. I specifically remember racing my friend Garrett down Highway 70 to see who could make it to the bowling alley first. Granted, I was driving my mom's Plymouth Caravan woody-style mini-van and he was driving his mom's minivan, but we were hitting over 90 mph in those suckers. Hey, you gotta work with what you got!

Now, I'm never quite sure what to do when I see somebody driving that I know. I would say that at least one or two mornings out of the five day work week, I end up next to, in front of, or behind a co-worker. Do I wave? Ignore them and continue driving? Rev my engine and take off when the light turns green?

Usually, I just kind of stare straight forward and act oblivious (which really isn't all that much of a stretch). I mean, I don't want to be rude, but if I wave once, do I have to wave every single time they pass me or I pass them on the rest of the way to work? That would make me feel more dumb than pretending like I don't notice them.

Although it would be much more fun to drag race to work every morning!

Presidential Predictions

Dave and I were having a conversation over the weekend, and I'd like your input, too. Please participate in this little survey, if you don't mind.


Do you think that there will be:

• A woman president OR
• An African-American president first?

Okay, then... I guess that is assuming that it will be an African-American before another minority. Do you think that the first minority (perhaps soon to be non-minority) president will be:

• An African-American OR
• A Mexican-American OR
• An Asian-American OR
• A different ethnicity/nationality?

And it isn't just about race. What about sexual orientation? Do you think that:

• A male homosexual OR
• A female homosexual will be the first elected president?

And, finally, let's throw religion in there, just to make sure that I can try to include everyone. Do you think that there will be:

• A Jewish president OR
• A Mormon president OR
• A Muslim president OR
• Another (non-Protestant, non-Catholic) president first?

I'm interested to hear your input.